Though we would love to, we cannot unite. We are too unwilling to compromise.

Its not about being liberal or conservative, democrat or republican. Its not about being black or white or white collar or blue collar or young or old or thin or fat.

All those issues are petty. Inconsequential. Irrelevant.

We’re talking about today man. Do you know what today is about?

Its about what kind of cola you drink:

Ass

Not Ass

You might notice the Pepsi is on the left.

That's because if you drink Pepsi, you are probably a liberal. You should take some important first steps and start to drink Coke.

Drinking Coke is American, and if you don’t drink Coke you are not just unpatriotic, but ANTI patriotic, and that’s bad.

If you drink Coke you probably supports the rights of Americans to earn a living and you probably donate your time reading to terminal kids in the hospital and you probably are a better driver too, and should get the special “I drink Coke” discount from your insurance company.

Also, it says everything about who you are as a person when you go into a restaurant and order a Coke and get a Pepsi and send it back.

It says that you have character, devotion, loyalty, and it is noble that you will not compromise yourself to satiate the petty need to quench your thirst.

Tell the waiter:

“If you don’t have Coke, then water’s fine, thank you.”

Be curt about it. Show your server how much you have been wronged when he presupposed you were the kind of person who WOULD drink Pepsi.

Make sure he knows he has offended your sense of fairness. Of justice.

“I don’t drink Pepsi.”

Say it loud, say it proud.

"I WOULD RATHER DRINK A GLASS OF WATER OR ICED TEA THAN HAVE A PEPSI ON THE SAME TABLE I DECIDE TO GRACE MY PRESENCE WITH!!!"

‘Cause that’s beautiful. That’s America, sir.